I have a tiny bit more time today. We already had a dinner, Marcus is washing the dishes after the first part of our dinner and preparing sashimi.  First we had three different types of mashed potatoes and a  sausage with 2 different type of mustard and horseradish. I have never yet had sausage here and it has been already well over half a year. I stayed for the mango season, even though I was planning to leave before it and when your dad got a couple of mangos from Aitutaki he insisted I eat every bit of it because…I was not supposed to be here when the mango will come in abundance. There was a guava and star fruit season, passionfruit and now pineapple and watermelon. I am still here. We are still here and your dad is feeding us with fruits and fruit smoothies caring for us and making sure both mama and the little girl inside her will eat a lot of vitamins. He makes us avocado and mil;k smoothies with honey which are absolutely divine but probably keep fattening you inside me because now you move a lot and sometimes it feels like you are rearranging my organs or deciding to lift “the roof” above your head or bum, pushing bits of you out like you now don’t have enough space inside.

So before your dad makes us sashimi I thought about something and soon I will have to tell you more about it. Sometimes people don’t act right, they cheat, lie, deceive and even steal. Holding a grudge against someone may destroy you, make you bitter and unhappy.  But fighting for justice and making sure they will correct their actions or pay for the evil they caused is a different matter. Sometimes it may be not worth is. Sometimes they made a mistake and maybe can’t make up for it or act wrong but feel truly sorry about it.  But some people just keep on lying and would never admit to it so, i believe, it is not only the need for justice that should motivate you, it is also a duty to stop the cycle, to stop them doing the same to others.

Someone once took everything from me, including the trust in people.  whoever I trusted afterwards had to be exceptional and often make a lot of effort and take a lot of time to prove they are worth it. I would trust 3 friends with my life, one is in NZ, one in Italy, one in Australia and i hope you will meet all of them. I have other wonderful friends I trust too but there is always something in the back of my mind, some little fear that I know they did not cause, fear that one day I may get disappointed, fear they do not deserve but after what one person did to me i cannot stop that fear.

I know that person who hurt me so much never changed. I know he did it again and this is exactly why I had to take the most radical steps, inform authorities and start the whole big investigation. I think there may be a dose of satisfaction in the end of it, the mission fulfilled, the justice done but there won’t be any triumph. I don’t even hate them even though they have given me a hundred reasons to do. I despise them for their behavior, their lies, what they are capable of doing to other people. They disgust me and recently just make me laugh because, once caught on a lie they became ridiculous trying to cover it with other lies and excuses, pretending that things happened that did not, making up stories while you have the truth in front of your eyes.  But no i cannot hate them, they are not worth such strong feelings or emotions.

Their daughter once said this to him on facebook and i think what she said is beutiful and very true:

“Perhaps if you kept your life slightly less complicated and more truthful people wouldn’t always expect the worse!!!Try the truth – really its not so bad. I have foudn complete satisfaction in having people in my life who actually like me for who i am – faults and all – including my short temper and big mouth!!!!! ”

Always try to be the person you want others to like.  To pretend to be someone else and lie makes no sense because whoever gives you any feelings, be it love, friendship, admiration or respect gives it nopt to the you, you are but the you you want to portray so the real you is not receiving anything.