Knowing you is a beautiful thing baby girl. we love watching your little face with beautiful alert eyes darting around, we know your cries, when you are hungry you start gently nhe eh e eh  then keep repeating the sound eh eh twisting your little mouth downwards ready to cry but if i speak to you, call your name and say the same thing to you you stop to listen and it is almost like you understand that i already know and wait now to be fed. not long, if the food doesn’t come quick you get frustrated and start all over again but again I can gain some time by talking to you.

When the nappy has to be changed the cry is different.  You are so patient with us and accepted our bizarre methods of teamwork nappy changing letting us strip you from nappy above the bucket when i am holding you and marcus pulls the nappy down to drop in the bin, then i dangle you in the backet of water, he makes sure you are thouroughly clean, we dry you and often give a quick wash again this time in the bowl.For some reason before this ritual is completed you decide it’s the eating time and start your other gentle cries so i kiss your little mouth already searching for milk and you stop and let us dress you up so i can carry you to bed or chair and feed you

You can eat a lot, sometimes you keep me for an hour or two next to you, when i think you are ready and done you start all over again. I think you may just like the attention and closeness so you suck for short time making lots of little breaks in between but won’t let me go, holding strong onto me with your little mouth title shut around my nipple and ready to start sucking as soon as the danger of withdrawal appears. When you are getting hungry, as soon as you start waking up may breasts feels full and hard and once you start asking for food the milk starts flowing.  It is so powerful, the connection between you and me now, the body of the mother catering for her child’s needs.

it is beautiful to be able to make you feel good, to feed you, to make you feel secure to watch you, your own little person sweet and innocent.

This was a strange year for me my baby girl. last year around this time i was traveling last year I was ragazze imagine, paid to look good drink champagne and dance wearing pretty dresses and heels, I travelled to Dominican Republic Turkey and Tahiti  free, full of life, having new experiences and different excitements each day…today I am breastfeeding and changing nappies and I have never been more happy. I might have worked in marketing, wrote articles, promoted places, did trainings, videos, gave interviews designed  educational materials but honestly i never had more important or more fulfilling job than i have right now, being here for you

every moment I spend with you though i also think about one other person, this when i feel really complete. Sometimes it is difficult because I miss your dad more than ever and yet we have so little time together, so many more things to do.  But the experience we are sharing is incredible and i am so glad i am sharing it with him

Haumea is a Hawaian Godess of creation, first Hawaian woman. It is also a name of a new dwarf planet but today we have learned it also have a meaning in Maori even though not many people know it.  It is a star known as Aldebaran and symbolises mystery and power

You are certainly a star for us, one more bright light in our lives and you brought a lot of magic to it.