Hey kid
It is my, and yours too, first Xmas and new year in Raro. Marcus and I just got a letter from OUR friend Claudio with special NY wishes. I pasted it below but now I feel like talking about friends and friendship. I met Claudio some ten years ago via my ex boyfriend but it was just a casual aquintance then. We became really close good friends last European summer 2011. Marcus met him only last November but I can now say easily and really happily too, that Claudiois a friend to both of us and a real friend too.
This is what real friends do, they accept you as you are, accept your life and want to be a part of it and not an addition to it, they accept people close to you as their friends too. This is what has happened with us, Claudio started liking Marcus a lot first just from my stories, from what he learned from me and because when he looked at my face on the video link on skype he saw me happy and he attributed this happiness to being with Marcus, quite rightly too. Straight away Marcus became close to him and important, important as a vital ingredient to his dear friend’s happiness and hence important in his life too.
Then when your dad had that crazy idea that join him in Europe where he had to go, everything being planned before we even met, but did not want to stay all that time without me, this is when Claudio decided to fly from Italy, where he lives, to Berlin and meet me and also have a chance to meet Marcus. You may wonder why the idea was crazy. Well it was just a matter of being two weeks apart and the ticket was incredibly expensive so it would be far more sensible to stay but marcus argued that he does not care about the money as much as being with me and as he never spoiled himself much in the ways many people dohe can afford this little bit of luxury to have me with him and spoil himself now this way. He argued that two weeks is a long time when every minute with me is precious. You cannot imagine how nice it is to hear something like this and even though your mind tells you something else and to be rational about it your heart sings This is exactly the correct way and should be any different:) .
I can never forget the way he wanted me there and how it felt to meet him at the airport in Berlin. Crazy but wondeful.
Anyway back to Claudio, who also spent a crazy amount of money booking his flight at a last minute and being him he booked two flights there, one in the evening and then another one in the morning which he decided to use so he can spend few hours more with us. So here you were meeting your uncle for the first time.
Claudio is an incredible person and the best friend you can wish for. he never forgets how thankful he is for the fact that you are in his life and that you make his life so much better just by being there, knowing him, sharing his life with him, even if only from a distance.
Claudio was a friend of my ex Italian Boyfriend and I really don’t know why because these two were so very different. I met Marcello when I was only 17 and we had something going on for a year or two but not a close or deeply involved relationship, we shared passion for travels and I loved spending time in Italy learning about Italian culture and way of life but i nvr thought of getting involved more seriously with Marcello because something was always lacking there. I met Claudio too but did not have chance to get to know him better.
I seperated from marcello but somehow in a strange way. our paths met again and we went back together for a little while but when things started becoming more involved I it didn’t work for me. He was a typical Italian “macho”. He always used to own restaurants, discos, yachts and though he knew how to enjoy life, appreciate food and wine, sun and travels and spending holidays with him had a lot of attraction, living with him was a completely different matter. He was self-centred and unfortunately had quite a superficial attitude to life and people.
With time he also changed considerably and all that seemed to matter for him was the enjoyment and making sure he had fun and this time, perhaps because he was so much older, what people thought of him mattered so much more. maybe he lacked the self-confidence of a handsome young man he had before and feared aging and losing some of his attraction.
Instead of finding the confidence inside of him, in his wisdom and intelligence, experience and attitude to life which would give him a powerful string image he wanted, he looked for it in appearances, making impression on others with shallow things and behavior full of pretense. I have realised to I was very much a useful accessory to him. He still enjoyed the travels with me and sharing time having good discussions but it mattered now so much more, or maybe now with age I was able to see it so much better, to show me around and to make it public people know I “belong” to him.
Well don’t know if you are a girl or boy yet, in either case i hope you will neither end up with a man like this or end up being a man like this. They look successful and happy outside but their life lacks real substance and they will always end up being lonely even though they may sourround themselves with people and indulge in all things fun and never be alone. being alone and being lonely are two different things my Baby.
You know the time I felt the most lonely ever was the time your dad and i had an argument and even though we were in the same room we did not feel the connection we had before and I missed that connection an closeness terribly both emotional and fisical but could not break the barrier that aroused between us or even bring myself to come closer and touch your dad. the worst loneliness is always when you feel it even though you are amongst other people especialy the ones that should be close to you.
So this was the problem with marcello, he had a lot of culture and eloquence, he was well read and intelligent but he lacked sensibility, interest in others, personal depth and ability to love someone else more or even just as much as himself and his image. The little that was there was obscured by his extravert socialite lifestyle and attitude, the need to be recognised, known and admired. So I somewhat expected that Claudio, being a long term friend of marcello, will be quite similar. often our friends say a lot about us and i remember when Marcus found out about Claudio, both what sort of person he is and how loyal and commited or even devoted he was to me, he knew that it is not by accident, he told me it just confirmed to him what he thought of me and that I was someone really special.
I value Claudio’s friendship incredibly and i am lucky to have a friend like this. My friendship with him is on a completely different level though that his friendship with Marcello was. as it turned out Claudio was a complete oposite of Marcello. He too knows how to enjoy life, I think maybe it is an Italian thing, appreciation of beauty, good food, wince, music, enjoyment of life, but his character was not defined by this, he was sensitive, artistic and thoughtful. He would always put others first and he would see things in the world that others may stumble over and never notice.
He is a good friend of both of us and i hope you will have a lot of contact with him, he will be a brilliant influence in your life, I hope you will have a chance to learn from him too..
This is his letter he wrote for us for last christmas:
Dear friends Ewa and Marcus I wish you a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.
This past year, and gave me presents. but the bigger you are with your friendship. I send you the text of an Italian song that I want to dedicate my sweet and wonderful friends Thanks
Caro amico ti scrivo, così mi distraggo un po’
e siccome sei molto lontano più forte ti scriverò.
Da quando sei partito c’è una grossa novità,
l’anno vecchio è finito ormai
ma qualcosa ancora qui non va.
Si esce poco la sera compreso quando è festa
e c’è chi ha messo dei sacchi di sabbia vicino alla finestra,
e si sta senza parlare per intere settimane,
e a quelli che hanno niente da dire
del tempo ne rimane.
Ma la televisione ha detto che il nuovo anno
porterà una trasformazione
e tutti quanti stiamo già aspettando
sarà tre volte Natale e festa tutto il giorno,
ogni Cristo scenderà dalla croce
anche gli uccelli faranno ritorno.
Ci sarà da mangiare e luce tutto l’anno,
anche i muti potranno parlare
mentre i sordi già lo fanno.
E si farà l’amore ognuno come gli va,
anche i preti potranno sposarsi
ma soltanto a una certa età,
e senza grandi disturbi qualcuno sparirà,
saranno forse i troppo furbi
e i cretini di ogni età.
Vedi caro amico cosa ti scrivo e ti dico
e come sono contento
di essere qui in questo momento,
vedi, vedi, vedi, vedi,
vedi caro amico cosa si deve inventare
per poter riderci sopra,
per continuare a sperare.
E se quest’anno poi passasse in un istante,
vedi amico mio
come diventa importante
che in questo istante ci sia anch’io.
L’anno che sta arrivando tra un anno passerà
io mi sto preparando, è questa la novità.
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