Hello baby. Mr.. Kipling wrote ….

…. the words to which I have written but it’s not important who wrote them. Important that you can read the. Whether your sweet mom and your incredible father will one day read it.

(EN)

« 

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too:
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim,
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same:
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss:
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: “Hold on!”

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much:
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!

 »

(IT)

« 

Se riesci a tenere la testa a posto quando tutti intorno a te
L’hanno persa e danno la colpa a te,
Se puoi avere fiducia in te stesso quando tutti dubitano di te,
Ma prendi in considerazione anche i loro dubbi.
Se sai aspettare senza stancarti dell’attesa


O essendo calunniato, non ricambiare con calunnie,
O essendo odiato, non dare spazio all’odio,
Senza tuttavia sembrare troppo buono, né parlare troppo da saggio;

Se puoi sognare, senza fare dei sogni i tuoi padroni;
Se puoi pensare, senza fare dei pensieri il tuo scopo,
Se sai incontrarti con il Successo e la Sconfitta
E trattare questi due impostori allo stesso modo.
Se riesci a sopportare di sentire la verità che hai detto
Distorta da imbroglioni che ne fanno una trappola per gli ingenui,
O guardare le cose per le quali hai

dato la vita, distrutte,
E piegarti a ricostruirle con strumenti usurati.

Se puoi fare un solo mucchio di tutte le tue fortune
E rischiarlo in un unico lancio di una monetina,
E perdere, e ricominciare daccapo
Senza mai fiatare una parola sulla tua perdita.
Se sai costringere il tuo cuore, nervi, e polsi
A sorreggerti anche quando sono esausti,
E così resistere quando in te non c’è più nulla
Tranne la Volontà che dice loro: “Resistete!”

Se riesci a parlare alle folle e conservare la tua virtù,
O passeggiare con i Re, senza perdere il contatto con la gente comune,
Se non possono ferirti né i nemici né gli amici affettuosi,
Se per te ogni persona conta, ma nessuno troppo.
Se riesci a riempire ogni inesorabile minuto
Dando valore a ognuno dei sessanta secondi,
Tua è la Terra e tutto ciò che contiene,
E — cosa più importante — sarai un Uomo, figlio mio!

Making each day special

Hey Little One

You soon will big enough inside me to survive if i was to give birth earlier. It is incredible feeling to know now that you will soon not be completely dependent on me and unable to live outside of my body.  soon you will be ready to get out into the world and survive.  you are a fully formed person, connected to me, living in me but a person, living being.

We went on the waka yesterday and got stuck on the coral.  I had to jump off the boat and realised afterwards that it’s not that easy for me to pull myself back in, heavy as i am with you inside me, and make sure i won’t rest on my tummy not to hurt you.  I told our instructor who was sitting right behind me. marcus is alway in the front in so called power house, this is where the most of the speed and power comes from and those two or three first guys have to push a lot to make the canoe move.  I have started only recently my waka adventure and am still learning. Being next to the instructors is great as she gives me some tips as we go along.  now i asked Pam, a big Maori girl, how is the best to get back onto the boat without putting any pressure on my tummy because I am pregnant.  She was quite surprised and decided to tell me to throw my legs onto the canoe first and she would then pull me in sideways.  it worked.

I have just made a short vid for the quad bikes trying to get a few good shots from the material that a guy from the local TV filmed for us.  really bad filming and i had to keep really fast pace to be able to chose a few good seconds here and there but your dad thought i did a good job and said he hopes they will appreciate it at work but it doesn’t really matter if they will once your dad is proud of it.  i value his opinion far more not just because he knows something about filming and photography but because it gives me so much satisfaction to know he likes something I did.

We had that really simple dinner yesterday, leftovers from Bolonaise but i did not mix the whole lot with tomatoes so yesterday I was able to add different ingredients to the already prepared mince beef and make it something different.  it was honey soy beef with black rice and lentils with some tomatoes, cucumber which goes really well with cumin lentils and green peas on the side.  there was no time to cook anything fancy after paddling but the meal was quite special for two reasons. marcus loved the tastes combination and really enjoyed his feed and i likled saving time on cooking and enjoyed eating in the little magical mood he created swiftly before i finished preparing our plates – a small glassof red wine, candles, fairy lights, table beautifully set.  nice that he likes making every simple occassion special.

 

Remember my Little one, you can always make every day special, doesn’t matter where you are and how much money you have.  appreciation is what matters the most, creativity and care and a will to make it special.  It helps the most though if you have a special person with you for whom you can create this special feeling or with whome you can share it.

Let’s make a deal my baby, let’s try always to make each other’s day special.  you are a special gift for us and I would like you to learn from us enjoyment of life just as much as respect and values and other things the parents are expected to impart on their offsprings.

Looking forward to seeing you and holding you in my arms soon

Your mama

Ani O’Neil’s 40th Birthday Party October 2011, Rarotonga

from uncle Claudio – a letter to you

Letter for a child to be born.

The words are not mine.
but the words I want to say

 

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth, well never mind, you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they faded.
But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now, how much possibility was before you and how fabulous you really looked.
You are not as fat as you imagine.
Don’t worry about the future or worry but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum.
The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4 pm on some idle Tuesday.
Do one thing everyday that scares you.
Sing.
Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts; Don’t put up with other people who are reckless with yours.
 Floss.
Don’t waste your time on jealously, sometimes you ahead, sometimes your behind.
The race is long, an in the end its only with yourself.
 Remembers compliments you receive; forget the insults.
If you succeed in doing this tell me how.
Keep  your old love letters-Throw away your old bank statements.
Stretch.
Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life.
The most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives.
Some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t.
Get plenty of calcium.
Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone.
Maybe  you’ll marry; Maybe you won’t.
 Maybe you’ll have children; Maybe you won’t.
Maybe you’ll divorce at 40; Maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken at your 75th wedding anniversary.
 Whatever you do don’t congratulate yourself to much of bright yourself either.
You choices are ½ chance- so are everybody else’s.
Enjoy you body, use it every way you can-Don’t be afraid of it-or what other people think of it; It’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own.
Dance-even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.
 Read the directions-even if you don’t follow them.
Do not read beauty magazines they will only make you feel ugly.
Get to know your parents.
 You never know when they’ll be gone for good.
Be nice to your siblings.
 They’re your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.
Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on.
Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.
Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard.
Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.
Travel.
Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise.
Politicians will philander.
You, too, will get old.
 And when you do, you’ll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.
Respect your elders.
Don’t expect anyone else to support you.
Maybe you have a trust fund.
Maybe you’ll have a wealthy spouse.
 you never know when either one might run out.
Don’t mess too much with your hair or by the time you’re 40 it will look 85.
Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it.
Advice is a form of nostalgia.
 Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.
But trust me on the sunscreen.
and this is him, looks like a guy you can trust, huh?

about friendship

Hey kid
It is my, and yours too,  first Xmas and new year in Raro. Marcus and I just got a letter from OUR friend Claudio with special NY wishes.  I pasted it below but now I feel like talking about friends and friendship.  I met Claudio some ten years ago via  my ex boyfriend but it was just a casual aquintance then.  We became really close good friends last European summer 2011. Marcus met him only last November but I can now say easily and really happily too, that Claudiois a friend to both of us and a real friend too.
This is what real friends do, they accept you as you are, accept your life and want to be a part of it and not an addition to it, they accept people close to you as their friends too.  This is what has happened with us, Claudio started liking Marcus a lot first just from my stories, from what he learned from me and because when he looked at my face on the video link on skype he saw me happy and he attributed this happiness to being with Marcus, quite rightly too.  Straight away Marcus became close to him and important, important as a vital ingredient to his dear friend’s happiness and hence important in his life too.
Poznan, cafe Zielona WerandaThen when your dad had that crazy idea that join him in Europe where he had to go, everything being planned before we even met, but did not want to stay all that time without me, this is when Claudio decided to fly from Italy, where he lives, to Berlin and meet me and also have a chance to meet Marcus.  You may wonder why the idea was crazy. Well it was just a matter of being two weeks apart and the ticket was incredibly expensive so it would be far more sensible to stay but marcus argued that he does not care about the money as much as being with me and as he never spoiled himself much in the ways many people dohe can afford this little bit of luxury to have me with him and spoil himself now this way.  He argued that two weeks is a long time when every minute with me is precious.  You cannot imagine how nice it is to hear something like this and even though your mind tells you something else and to be rational about it your heart sings This is exactly the correct way and should be any different:) .
I can never forget the way he wanted me there and how it felt to meet him at the airport in Berlin.  Crazy but wondeful.
Anyway back to Claudio, who also spent a crazy amount of money booking his flight at a last minute and being him he booked two flights there, one in the evening and then another one in the morning which he decided to use so he can spend few hours more with us.  So here you were meeting your uncle for the first time.
Claudio is  an incredible person and the best friend you can wish for. he never forgets how thankful he is for the fact that you are in his life and that you make his life so much better just by being there, knowing him, sharing his life with him, even if only from a distance.
Claudio was a friend of my ex Italian Boyfriend and I really don’t know why because these two were so very different. I  met Marcello when I was only 17 and we had something going on for a year or two but not a close or deeply involved relationship, we shared passion for travels and I loved spending time in Italy learning about Italian culture and way of life but i nvr thought of getting involved more seriously with Marcello because something was always lacking there.  I met Claudio too but did not have chance to get to know him better.
I seperated from marcello but somehow in a strange way. our paths met again and  we went back together for a little while but when things started becoming more involved I it didn’t work for me.  He was a typical Italian “macho”. He always used to own restaurants, discos, yachts and though he knew how to  enjoy life, appreciate food and wine, sun and travels and spending holidays with him had a lot of attraction, living with him was a completely different matter.  He was self-centred and unfortunately had quite a superficial attitude to life and people.
With time he also changed considerably and all that seemed to matter for him was the enjoyment and making sure he had fun and this time, perhaps because he was so much older, what people thought of him mattered so much more. maybe he lacked the self-confidence of a handsome young man he had before and feared aging and losing some of his attraction.
Instead of finding the confidence inside of him, in his wisdom and intelligence, experience and attitude to life which would give him a powerful string image he wanted, he looked for it in appearances, making impression on others with shallow things and behavior full of pretense.  I have realised to I was very much a useful accessory to him.  He still enjoyed the travels with me and sharing time having good discussions but it mattered now so much more, or maybe now with age I was able to see it so much better, to show me around and to make it public people know I “belong” to him.
Well don’t know if you are a girl or boy yet, in either case i hope you will neither end up with a man like this or end up being a man like this.  They look successful and happy outside but their life lacks real substance and  they will always end up being  lonely even though they may sourround themselves with people and indulge in all things fun and never be alone. being alone and being lonely are two different things my Baby.
You know the time I felt the most lonely ever was the time your dad and i had an argument and even though we were in the same room we did not feel the connection we had before and I missed that connection an closeness terribly both emotional and fisical but could not break the barrier that aroused between us or even bring myself to come closer and touch your dad.  the worst loneliness is always when you feel it even though you are amongst other people especialy the ones that should be close to you.
So this was the problem with marcello, he had a lot of culture and eloquence, he was well read and intelligent but he lacked sensibility, interest in others, personal depth and ability to love someone else more or even just as much as himself and his image. The little that was there was obscured by his extravert socialite lifestyle and attitude, the need to be recognised, known and admired. So I somewhat expected that Claudio, being a long term friend of marcello, will be quite similar. often our friends say a lot about us and i remember when Marcus found out about Claudio, both what sort of person he is and how loyal and commited  or even devoted he was to me, he knew that it is not by accident, he told me it just confirmed to him what he thought of me and that I was someone really special.
I value Claudio’s friendship incredibly and i am lucky to have a friend like this. My friendship with him is on a completely different level though that his friendship with Marcello was.  as it turned out Claudio was a complete oposite of Marcello.  He too knows how to enjoy life, I think maybe it is an Italian thing, appreciation of beauty, good food, wince, music, enjoyment of life, but his character was not defined by this, he was sensitive, artistic and thoughtful. He would always put others first and he would see things in the world that others may stumble over and never notice.
He is a good friend of both of us and i hope you will have a lot of contact with him, he will be a brilliant influence in your life, I hope you will have a chance to learn from him too..
This is his letter he wrote for us for last christmas:
Dear friends Ewa and Marcus I wish you a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.
This past year, and gave me presents. but the bigger you are with your friendship. I send you the text of an Italian song that I want to dedicate my sweet and wonderful friends Thanks
Caro amico ti scrivo, così mi distraggo un po’

e siccome sei molto lontano più forte ti scriverò.
Da quando sei partito c’è una grossa novità,
l’anno vecchio è finito ormai
ma qualcosa ancora qui non va.

Si esce poco la sera compreso quando è festa
e c’è chi ha messo dei sacchi di sabbia vicino alla finestra,
e si sta senza parlare per intere settimane,
e a quelli che hanno niente da dire
del tempo ne rimane.

Ma la televisione ha detto che il nuovo anno
porterà una trasformazione
e tutti quanti stiamo già aspettando
sarà tre volte Natale e festa tutto il giorno,
ogni Cristo scenderà dalla croce
anche gli uccelli faranno ritorno.

Ci sarà da mangiare e luce tutto l’anno,
anche i muti potranno parlare
mentre i sordi già lo fanno.

E si farà l’amore ognuno come gli va,
anche i preti potranno sposarsi
ma soltanto a una certa età,
e senza grandi disturbi qualcuno sparirà,
saranno forse i troppo furbi
e i cretini di ogni età.

Vedi caro amico cosa ti scrivo e ti dico
e come sono contento
di essere qui in questo momento,
vedi, vedi, vedi, vedi,
vedi caro amico cosa si deve inventare
per poter riderci sopra,
per continuare a sperare.

E se quest’anno poi passasse in un istante,
vedi amico mio
come diventa importante
che in questo istante ci sia anch’io.

L’anno che sta arrivando tra un anno passerà
io mi sto preparando, è questa la novità.

 

Love

Dear child you are still very small. Can you stay in your mom’s belly. But I write these words that I want you to remember all your life.
“Love is always patient and kind, never jealous, love is never pretentious or full of himself, is never rude or selfish, is not offended and holds a grudge.”

One day I’d like to speak of ‘love.
Your uncle Italian. Claudio

…about being loved

My Dear,

you may think grown ups are all-knowing. Well, your parents are still almost always right but in fact, no human being should ever stop learning and taking in or one is relatively speaking moving backwards.

Take you father for instance who at the age of 42 is still wondering WHY he is being loved and liked by your mum so much. Is it because he cannot comprehend the quirk of fate that made your parent’s paths cross? Maybe. Does he think he is not worth receiving what your mum gave and gives so generously and then, as in a self-fulfilling prophecy making sure he isn’t by treating her badly? More like it and he is so mistaken.

Therefore, please always appreciate what good others do to you as it happens. You may get burned once or twice or even more often but it is worth five-ten-fiftyfold for the one time where all the love, passion and tenderness is genuine. If something is requested from you, effort, small sacrifices, attention do not take them as ulteriour motives or demands. Give without expecting and take without questioning.

Do not mistake human interaction and love with business transactions. The currency in the country of love is not interchangeable with any of the colourful pieces of paper most people are so crazy about.

So when we say we love you it comes from the bottom of our hearts.

Zumba

hey Little One

This was a busy day at my work. Moi – Your mum has been working for the last few weeks in Te Vara Nui Village, in marketing. So here I am still at my desk. I have thought of you and daddy a lot today but had hardly time to speak to your dad on the phone,  twice but short. Now i am running to Zumba, hope you won’t mind a bit of swinging. you have been such a good baby, not causing me any trouble at all apart from making my usually flat tummy swell already to the size of a basketball.

Ok so Zumba today with me my little one. You have done so much already not being out of me yet. We did some swimming with whales together in tahiti and diving in Rarotonga, we have been to Europe with Dad, Berlin, Poznan my hometown which your dad loved, Salzburg just for one day and you have tried sauna and steambath there although i don’t think it made any difference to you, if so you did not say a word or kick any part of me, and we have been to Ljubljana together, spent two fantastic nights in a jail hostel, converted from an old prison, just next door to 7 illegal clubs and spacious yard decorated with some awesome street art, grafitti and installations.

20111119-143729.jpg

Miss your dad and looking forward to see him after my Zumba, he was bit down recently because of my problems with visa and immi and few other things. He is taking everything in and worries far too much so when you are bigger you should take care of him and not let him worry much. You know once someone said if things seem bad just think about yourself and your life in two years time and ask yourself a question if these things will still matter then. if not, well everything is passing and changing and things can’t be just good and smooth all the time as we would get spoiled and not only never expect or cope with anything difiicult but probably not even appreciate the easy life we have.  So let’s face the harsh reality with a big smile, the most important things are there, your Dad and you and i am so happy.

 

The problem, is your dad sometimes do all the worries for me too, I am the crazy and sometimes irresponsible one and I just trust in the end everything will turn put ok.  This is probably the biggest difference that me and marcus have to learn to deal with.  i may sometimes seem careless to him but then if i took everything in just like he does I would not be here today because the life put me through some really harsh trials.  some of them just before i met Marcus and so now i see these things so different and it is not even two years yet, not even a year.  I now know that i had to go through it to end up where iam now and i couldn’t be more happy anywhere else so it was well worth it.

So let me take you to the Zumba now and then home and into dad’s arms and i know we can make him feel better soon and can’t wait to do it

 

I love you lots
Mum