Feeding you takes a lot of time, you aee like a little animal at first, start eating really greedily, gulp your milk taking big sips, sometimes choke and look so surprised. All of this, no surprise, makes you tired, you push yourself away from me only to drop your head again on my breast or burry it in my arms and snuggled you fall asleep.  If I stay next to you you sleep peacefully for some time, if i move you away you often wake up in 15 minutes, remember you did not eat enough yet, it was just the first dish, and so you start your little monolog of food requests, first verbalizing it with your one syllabus n-ehh sound which becomes louder and soon quite desperate. If I am not there for you soon you break into tearful pleads then loud cry .

So I spend a lot of time with you now and since you don’t yet make a very exciting conversationalist we both listen to audiobooks when we repeat those cycles of feeding and sleeping.

ONE DAY …I hope I can share those with you:

1. “The help” by Kathryn Stockett, a novel about black maid working for white families, taking care of the white children. Her love for those children is so beautiful, even when she detest the parents, she cares for their children with affection that is strange to the white mother, she brings up those children and in many cases becomes more of a mother to them than their real mum, high class white woman interested more in parties and dresses than her own baby. she is the one who wipes the tears of and makes the babies smile, teaches them how to use the toilet but all this is hapenning in the times where in the South of the States the seperation between white and blacks was still a reality, there was a lot of hatred and contempt towards the blacks so deeply rooted that even when the rest of the country was slowly awaking to the changes and integration jackson Missisipi was trying to set in stone the old order where the coloured were pushed to the role of liberated slaves, servants who eat in separate places and empty themselves in seperate toilets.

and amongst all of this the black maid wraps identical candies in different papers  letting her discover that the true nature of things is bellow the wrapper, sings her nursery rymes about two girls black and white who think they are different but then touch their noses, lips and eyes, compare their fingers and toes and came to the conclusion that they are actually much the same.

It’s a book about rasism, about the fight and perseverance, about courage and commitment and about feelings. it’s about hypocrisy and ingenuity and childhood innocence and honesty. it is also a book about loving children and so having you in my arms made the whole lot of difference to how this book touched me.

2. “a child in time” by one of our favorite writers Ewan McEwan

It’s an example of brilliant writing. a man, a husband and a father of a three year old girl talks about his life, the …little adjustment, the balance…., he dresses his little girl and takes her shopping so mum tired after waking up few times at night  to cuddle the baby and chase away her nightmares can sleep. before leaving he goes to his wife and lingers there, there is closeness and tenderness between them and desire they channel now to fit married life and carrying for their child. this is where the writting is so brilliant, one moment he lives in an almost perfect world,then he goes out, cross the streets painted in detail with the can coke, the dog by the tree, unimportant details, yet again those very details make the book so perfect because just few minutes later he goes back the same street passing the same spot with the same old can of coke, still there, the dog still hanging around the same tree, but his life changed forever because in the space of minute, between short stroll to and from the shop, as he is going back without his little daughter, she is not there anymore, gone out of his life, suddenly and unexpectedly, snatched away, He observes life with his insulting normality, he walks up the steps to his apartment, goes to his wife who ,still half asleep, grasps his hand and pulls it to her chin to warm it, unaware of the news he is bringing. the little girl is gone from their life.

how it happens what are this thoughts, the kaleidoscope of things happening immediately afte, the trance that follows, the break of his relationship when after initial closeness and common grieve both lovers start grieving in their separate ways, drifting apart, becoming strangers

there is so many details which makes it so realistic, the chaos of the search, the Fluoresent world of the supermarket suddenly becoming quite personal, filled with shopkeepers and customers who become suddenly parents, real or potential, “the lost child belongs to everyone”

for us those emotions are so much more real now that we have you, can’t even think of losing you, you are so precious baby girl, nothing can every happens to you, may you life be safe and happy

the prose is so real, the emotions so strong. You understand