The belly is getting big and and I find myself thinking more and ore about the little girl growing inside.  We went to the church today. It was a long mass 2 h and I had a lot of time for day dreaming, half of the sermon was in Maori  and so I needed to occupy myself.

This place is so different to Europe.  We won’t send you to many after school classes and courses. I imagine there wouldn’t be that many. I will take you with me to places and feed you with every day experiences and wisdom. We will discover the world together. i now look at things thinking what you can learn out of them ,what you can get out of it to grow, to become a beutiful, intelligent, deep considerate woman.

I would like for you to be able to try as much as I can, paint and sing and write, do sports, crafts, know about native plants and medicine, respect the knowledge and wisdom the old people have and maybe carry ome of it along.  there will be things I may not like or which do not interest me in the slightest still i want you to know about them and open these words to you too so you can chose. We will talk to you about the world and politics, the laws, the human relationship, your dad I am sure will make you a smart cookie with technology just as he is, tell you about his travels, the bords, the history of the countries he has been to or always wanted to go to. But there are other things, so many. What about economics, maths and physics.  these may be the very domains you would be interested in and would have talent for.  i thought about movies I saw, books or animation which at least slightly awoke my interest in the subject and now i note in my mind to show it to you.  Maybe the three or four year old will want to watch pictures from space or ducumentaries about the sealife, maybe you will enjoy just like me the French animation There was life or There was a man. I want to bring as many possibilities to you as I can and let you chose.

I did not have this chance. I was brought up by my nana who never even finished primary school because she happened to grow in the times of the war. We both grew up in communism and this means so many things were beyond your reach. Without any stimulation or inspiration from home and limited number of things I was exposed to I did not have any idea what i should do and which direction I should chose when i was to chose my studies.  I studied markeing first just so I can be sure I can have job and help my grandma.

I know we will put a lot of work in your upbringing and a lot of thought in your developement. all we will hope for is that you will find the area in which you will be good and persuing of which will make you happy.  please remind me if I ever will forget what I promise myself now and will try to influence you in any particular direction.  i hope you will be solemn and deep and if there is something you will be interested in you will also be ambitious to become good in it.  i hope our efforts will not be wasted because you will decide to go off and stop becoming better, get a job as a shopkeeper or just be satisfied with being unemployed and have no aim or purpose in life, won’t see beyond tomorrow.  if it won’t be in your abilities to become expert in any field it’s a different matter but I cannot think this.  so much depends on parents, the love and support they give, the understanding, i

nspiration and encouragements.  You will get it all.  There may not be fancy toys and mac Donalds weekends for you but there will be so much more.  Please don’t waste it little girl.  All i ask for is – do your best.  That’s all
There is a lady in the choir who sings of the top of her voice and enjoys it so much. It’s so easy to see. she is good in it too.  I want to be the mother who will ask you if you like the signing and watch your little face to see if there is an interest in it and if there is I want to tell

you to go and ask the aunty if she could one day teach you how to sing.  i cannot but it doesn’t mean YOU should not learn it.  I do not want to push you though. It is easy to make irt something natural for a little child to go and ask an adult to teach and it is the most beautiful thing any adult can give to a growing child.  In western world this would not be possible.  I would never go to a stranger and ask for anything.  i would be far too self conscious, far too scared, far too shy
Here is how big you are now,  not sure if you were smiling for the camera, only you know..myself. My self confidence, the little that I have at least, did not come from my parents, I had to force myself, make myself do things, change.  I would like these things for you to be natural and easy and no stranger to be really strange or frightening and knowledge to be everywhere to dip into, to share, to ask for.

some pics from our little evening walk to get some avocados and mangos, dad and I holding hands and chatting away, enjoying every moment together, and you were with us..